The Winter Months
by scentofautumn
Summary: Upon Bill's assisted demise, Sookie comes to a graveside epiphany. This is a story of redemption for our little Telepath wherein she befriends Pam, wins back Eric and finds a way to live her life the way she wants to live it. {Nsfw, Eric and Sookie pairing with a tad of Pam being Pam. Someone has to fix what's left...}


Disclaimer: I do not own True Blood or The Southern Vampire Mysteries Novels. The credits for these magnificent creations go to both Alan Ball and Charlaine Harris respectively. This story takes place during the time line of Season 7. I've always sorta liked the idea of a Vamp Sookie so I'm trying my hand at it. There will be plenty of Nsfw material in this story and it's not always going to be sexual. These are vampires people, murder, blood, torture...you name it. If you think you may even be slightly bothered, feel free to find something else to read to pass the time.

~o0o~

She hadn't expected the blood to be warm. Not until she was bathed in it and Bill Compton was nothing more than a pile of goo and dirt between her legs did she get the surprise. It was disgusting to say the least and Sookie sorely wished the revelation would override the unbearable pain located in the vicinity of where she was sure her heart no longer resided. A choked off scream was precedent to uncontrollable tears and half formed sobs as she cried for the selfish asshole Compton. She'd loved him..sure...he was her first...she'd done everything for him. Given up any chance at happiness all for what Bill Compton had lied about again and again.

It had broken her heart the very last little bit to do as he'd asked. Giving him the true death hadn't been about her in the end..or his want for her to have a normal life...it was about the family he'd left behind so many years ago. It was about the fact that he couldn't spend one more day or night without his wife and children. It should have burned her...jealousy and anger over the fact that Bill had never truly loved her. Cared for her perhaps but never loved.

Sookie was still for long moments as she let numbness creep to the forefront. It was too much...all she'd wanted was a happy life and everything that had made her so...had been ripped from her. Pulling herself together, she climbed from Bill's final resting place and began shoveling dirt into the hole with the palm of her hand. When there was nothing more she could do unless she had a shovel, Sookie stood and took a deep breath before heading out of the cemetery. "Keep walking," she murmured to herself with each methodical step she took on her journey back home. Confusion was a constant mindset it seemed...Bill, Eric, Sam, Alcide, Warlow...around and around she'd been drug through the dirt like a second hand doll. Unfortunately she'd done some dragging of her own.

"Fuck."

The word hung in the air as she stood on her front porch. It was quiet, the chirp of cicadas and the croaking of toads hummed in the air like a song. The front door creaked as she made her way inside, the house creaking and popped as the foundation settled. Blue eyes slowly closed in resignation and weight of everything that she'd done and been through. She owed Eric an apology. A big, huge, fucking monumental apology. "Shit." It was the most difficult thing in the world to admit she was wrong but by God...she'd been sooo very very wrong. Eric had done absolutely everything for her. Hell, even Pam had been there when she'd called for help. "Dammit dammit dammit," she bemoaned her predicament and let her head hang. Eric's words came floating back to her.

_"I will always tell you the truth. I may not be able to tell you everything...but what I do...will always be the truth."_

_"Everyone who claims to love you: your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton; they all gave up on you. I never did."_

The memory struck a chord within her and she sighed, letting the door swing shut behind her. Almost mechanically, Sookie stood in the entry way and stripped off the offensive shoes and dress, walking barefoot and bare chested into the kitchen to throw them in the trash. She'd never wear them again. Slowly, tiredly she made her way upstairs and into the bathroom, the shower up as high as she could stand it while she brushed her teeth. A soft hiss escaped her as she forced herself to endure the water temperature before washing off the remnants of her own stupidity down the drain. "No more.", she offered the empty room in a quiet exhale. No more would Bill Compton confuse her. No more would she confuse herself or base her choices on the thoughts and morals of others.

First and foremost she needed to talk to someone...Pam..specifically. Even before she spoke to Eric. Washing as thoroughly as possible, shaving and moisturizing and making sure not a spot on her had been missed, she climbed out and set about drying off and changing into a rather...interesting set of pajamas. Plaid..blue and green, they were long sleeved and too long in the leg but she'd gotten them from Gran for Christmas one year and never wore them. Now was the perfect time despite the muggy Louisiana night outside. Sookie went for her phone, staring down at the screen for a moment before hitting the speed dial to the one place she didn't think she'd ever call again.

"Fangtasia: Bar with a Bite this is Ginger!" Sookie flinched but drew in a deep breath and steadied herself. "Hello...Ginger. This is Sookie Stackhouse, can I talk to Pam please?" Silence reigned on the line for a long time before there was shuffling and the very familiar voice of Pam came through the earpiece. "Talk." Another flinch...although this one tore through her whole body. "Pam." There was a groan and Sookie blushed deeply. "Oh no...not you," Pam bemoaned on the other end of the line and the telepath let her eyes shut for a moment as tears threatened once more, burning and unwelcome. Taking a deep breath Sookie began, "Look, I know you don't like me."

"You got that fuckin' right." Sookie hissed and could almost taste Pam's amusement at the sound. "I killed Bill," she murmured into a thick and heavy silence. "What does this have to do with me?", Pam questioned with what Sookie just knew deep in her heart was a raised eyebrow and a bored expression. "I want to talk to you," she whispered and let all tension rush from her in a slow breath. "I know I've acted like a spoiled bitch...and a complete idiot but I want to spend some time with you. I'll let you throw shit away and bitch about my wardrobe..hell you can get rid of my."

"Angel shirt. That fuckin' pink monstrosity haunts my day rest." Sookie laughed, low and throaty as she nodded despite the Victorian Vampire being unable to see it. "Yeah. You can throw it away, burn it. I have a few other things I need to burn myself. It's just...I like you Pam." There was a snort and the Telepath gave one to match. "Shut up Pam. I do like you. More than others most days. You're a hard ass but I need an honest opinion on a lot of things and I know I can trust you to tell me point blank. I don't want to run anymore Pam." Pam was quiet for a rather long time before she heaved an unnecessary and loud sigh into the phone. "Fine. I'll be by tomorrow after I feed." -click-

Pulling the phone away from her ear, Sookie grumbled softly about Vampires and their lack of phone manners but was tempered in her reaction with the relief that Pam was willing to come over and spend some time tomorrow night. Settling the phone onto her side table, Sookie plugged it into the charger and made a quick trip downstairs to grab the ugly...memorable afghan off the back of the sofa before heading back up to bed. Climbing in with a soft sniffle, her tears from earlier were released in a slow flood. Exhaustion was hovering just there on the edge when her phone went off. Lifting her head, Sookie reached over and read her newest text message...it was from Eric.

_**Pam sys no bking out.**_

_**Jst what do u hve plnnd lvr?**_

Sookie grinned at the Viking's piss poor attempts at texting and shot him back a quick reply.

_**Girls night. It's important to me. GN Eric.**_

Laying back again, she sighed and closed her eyes before whispering into the darkness, "Pamela Swynford De Beaufort won't you please come in?" Time to fix her mistakes...starting with Pam.


End file.
